Educational Media Reviews Online

A deeply moving account of maternal love and support in the face of societal prejudice and bureaucratic stringency, Coming to You captures the journeys of two young Koreans whose sexual identities bring them anguish as well as joy in a deeply conservative nation and whose middle-class mothers move from shock to acceptance to fierce support of their children and a burgeoning social justice movement. The film reveals triumphs of individual acceptance and advocacy in the face of hostility and indifference as well as the young men’s sorrow around social and institutional barriers to living freely as themselves with a full slate of civil rights.

After suicide attempts, breast and ovary removal surgeries, and hormone treatment to transition from female to male, Hankyeol must apply for legal gender change to move past the risks and difficulties of living as a “non-human,” in their words, in a limiting limbo where physical body and legal status do not match. Yejoon moved to Toronto in hopes of living freely as a gay man but faces alienation and loneliness; he leaves the West’s more open LGBTQIA environment to return to Korea to be with his boyfriend and forge a life together. They share their hopes, dreams, and despair in disarming and straightforward footage and voice overs.

Their mothers share their own journeys during candid scenes and vulnerable moments, describing their initial anguish and confusion when learning of their children’s sexual identities and their paths to becoming their sons' most passionate champions. Hankyeol’s mother Nabi and Yejoon’s mother Vivian both find support and community at PFLAG (Parents and Families of LGBTQIA People in Korea), a human rights advocacy group where they meet, bond, and share with other parents of queer children. Some of the film’s strongest moments feature these women who never planned on becoming activists but who find strength and community at PFLAG and speak out to judges, at rallies and parades, to fellow allies and angry protestors, and in defense of their sons’ rights to find love and live their lives peacefully and safely.

Gyuri Byun’s film is a powerful portrait of how young lives full of promise are frustrated by societal intolerance, discrimination, and government control, yet are buffered and lifted up by unconditional loving support. Featuring affecting scenes of routine as well as monumental moments in the lives of these families, Coming to You follows their passages with intimate and seamless direction.

Hankyeol’s second hearing is successful when a judge approves the gender change. Yejoon’s family embraces his boyfriend and his mother, who also finds support at PFLAG. These milestones are inspiring, but all remain clear-eyed at the homo- and transphobic bigotry in place all around them. Still, scenes of Vivian marching alongside Yejoon with the sign “I love my gay son” and Nabi and Hankyeol sharing a special fist bumping handshake at family court make achingly clear that love and affection between mother and child is not bound by gender or legal status.

Awards:
Documentary Award and Special Mention, Korean Film Competition, Jeonju Film Festival; Brave New Docs Award, DMZ International Documentary Film Festival

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